Learning to walk alone

It has been a while that I have to spend a weekend by myself all alone. Sitting alone in front my macbook alone in the house, smelling the slightly sweet vanilla scent from the candle next to my bed, I am writing down things to do for the weekend… lots of things to do. Because I am intending to keep myself busy, so that I do not feel quite bothered by the fact that I am alone.  If think again, you will realize that we are always just by ourselves in life. There are people walking beside us for periods of time, but ultimately we are always walking on our own. So, I am just going to learn to enjoy walking alone this weekend. 

i carry your heart

Recently came across this poem and like to share it with those who i carry in my heart.   

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i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart

i am never without it
anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling

i fear no fate
for you are my fate, my sweet
i want no world
for beautiful you are my world, my true

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart
—-E. E. Cummings

Can’t help falling in love

Andrea Bocelli, one of my favorite singer,  has the voice of an angel.

Don’t wanna miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing

Wonderful Tonight

Every time I hear this song,  I feel like to dance with you quietly in your arms.

Its late in the evening
Shes wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight

We go a party
And everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady
Thats walking around with me
And then she asks me
Do you feel alright
And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight

I feel wonderful
Because I see the love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just dont realize
How much I love you

Its time to go home now
And Ive got an aching head
So I give her the car keys
She helps me to bed
And then I tell her
As I turn out the light
I say my darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight

Tears in heaven

This is one of my favorite song. Eric Clapton wrote and sang about the pain he felt following the 1991 death of his four-year-old son who fell from a 53rd-story window in a New York City condominium.

Today, I dedicated this song to a little baby girl who recently passed away.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I’ll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There’s peace I’m sure.
And I know there’ll be no more…
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven

Soulmate

Plato invented the concept of soul mate in his Symposium that humans have been looking for their soul mate ever since Zeus cut them in half. In his mythic story, Plato describes a world where there were men, women and people who were both men and women. Apparently, humans began discussing how they could climb up to heaven and replace the gods. The gods were upset by this and discussed what should be done. The simplest solution would be to destroy mankind, but Zeus came up with a better idea. He suggested cutting all human beings in half. This would serve two purposes. First, it would immediately double the number of people making offerings to the gods. Second, it would weaken the humans, so they would not be able to carry out their plan. Zeus’ idea was accepted, and the humans were all divided into two. Ever since then, humans are in the search of their soul mates.

I believe in beauty and mystery of soul mates, but not determined for the search. If soul mates are destined to join each other, their path will meet one day. Because in my mind, soul mates will meet driven by karma, like everything else in life. It should be, how shall I say, effortless?

“A soul mate, is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life,”

- Thomas Moore

Quiz - What color should your eyes be?

I took an online quiz today. It is silly and brainless, but it may be fun.  

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What’s hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

A Moment of happiness

First, let me tell you the story of Faust.

The story starts in heaven, where the devil Mephistopheles makes a bet with God to win over the soul of his favorite human being, Faust.Faust is an aged philosopher, who has grown weary of his life in vain efforts in searching for a knowledge of real essences of things. In despair he seizes a cup of poison to put an end to his existence as he sees the light of a new day . He curses science and faith and asks for infernal guidance. Méphistophélès appears and offered him the chance to find a perfect moment of true happiness on earth in the cost of his soul. The devil’s role is to serve Faust on earth, and the roles are to be reversed below. If during the time while Mephistopheles is serving Faust, Faust is so pleased with anything the devil gives him that he wants to stay in that moment forever, he will die in that instant. Faust is pleased with the deal, as he believed that the moment will never come.

The rest of the story is very complicated and you should read it by yourself sometime.

In the end, through many many steps in between, Faust eventually realizes his highest moment of happiness - when he does good on behalf of humankind to tame the forces of war and nature. He wishes to stop in the moment forever, and the devil declare for his soul instantly. When the devil tries to grab his soul, God intervenes and he was accepted into Heaven.

The story ends. Okay, sounds not bad. But, if you are offered this deal, I will caution you that it may not always turned out that way.

This story always fascinates me, as I admire people’s vigilant attempts for searching for happiness. On the other side, I do not quite understand why it is so hard to search for it in the first place. I will certainly never make this bet with the devil, as I frequently find myself guilty in term of feeling happy. I am not talking about moments of graduation, moments of success, moments of union of love ones, and many many highly emotional moments in life here. I agree they are worthy for celebration… but I am not talking about those moments.The moments I talk about here are much simpler.

There are small hours in life shows me the true joy and clarity, maybe by standing in front of ocean, or by feeling early summer breeze, or by gazing into eyes of someone special in life. I really wish that my life can pause in that very moment. Or, I am expecting that the devil may jump out in front of me and I die.

Then, I wonder, maybe I shall keep my mind in that state of happiness, while the life passing me by, instead of trying to pause time. Because if one can achieve the happiness in the mind unconditionally, nothing from outside matters. Although still need to live a daily life and go through routines, the mind is captivated into a state which has no concept of time. In that sense, one will never age in life because the time is paused at heart.

A moment of happiness is a lifetime.

Archery and Concentration

After winning several archery contests, a young and rather boastful champion challenged a Zen master, who was renowned for his skill as an archer.  

To show off his remarkable proficiency, the young archer hit a distant bull’s eye on his first try, and then split that arrow with his second shot.   “Now, ” he said to the master, “see if you can match that!”   Undisturbed, the master did not draw his bow, but rather asked the young archer to follow him up the mountain. Curious about the old fellow’s intentions, the young champion followed him.   At last, they reached a deep chasm spanned by a rather flimsy and shaky log. Calmly stepping out onto the middle of the unsteady and certainly perilous bridge, the old master picked a far away tree as a target, drew his bow, and fired a clean, direct hit.   “Now it is your turn,” he said as he gracefully stepped back onto the safe ground.   Staring with terror into the seemingly bottomless and beckoning abyss, the young man could not force himself to step out onto the log, no less shoot at a target.  

 “You have much skill with your bow,” the master said, sensing his challenger’s predicament, “but you have little skill with the mind that lets loose the shot.”